What Exactly is Self-Care?
Before I became unwell, my idea of self-care was skipping nightly gym sessions on Friday evenings and sleeping until 10am on the weekend. Work was my number one priority and everything else fitted around it. I spent 11 years hooked on working hard, but I didn’t even realise why until it hit me - the first flashback, the dissociation and the mental distress of trauma that I’d successfully managed to bury for 15 years of my life.
Suddenly my life changed: Instead of a job title, I had a diagnosis and the label of a Childhood Trauma Survivor. Instead of fancy brunches and weekends away, I was eating hospital food in psych wards because I was too much of a risk to myself at times. I hit the bottom and the truth is, I still do sometimes because recovery is not a linear upward trajectory.
Two and a half years later, I’m certainly not 100% better, but I’m making excellent progress. How? By being kind to myself.
Self-Care & Therapy
Therapy is hard, but it saved my life. Working with a great therapist was confronting, painful and tough for a lot of the time, but there’s no denying it: working with a great therapist saved my life on numerous occasions. Showing up and engaging in sessions is challenging, but it’s an amazing sign of self care. If you’re already doing this - I applaud you. Therapy is about spending time helping yourself to process your challenges with a trained professional.
Making a routine before and after therapy helped me to have things to focus on besides the session itself. I always arrived early so that I could give myself some time to relax in the waiting area. I took a fidget cube into sessions with me; it’s amazing how comforting and grounding it is to have something in your hands whilst you talk. I have zero shame in admitting that playdough or a squashy dinosaur makes me so chilled. Sensory tools are a fantastic resource.
After therapy, is when the real self-care kicks in. For me, I wanted to treat my body with physical kindness, so I bathed in soapy water and swaddled myself in fancy, fluffy towels (the type you keep aside for guests). I processed my actual therapy sessions through journaling and art. I was almost like a parent to myself, being gentle and kind.
Self-care and saying “no” when you’d usually say “yes”
Self-care for the benefit of your health comes with boundaries and surrounding yourself with the right people. My friends are amazing but too often I gave in to “peer pressure” when they pleaded for me to come out: “Funny Sammy” was my party trick. Sadly, my fun side was depleted. Socialising made me feel vulnerable but I was a people pleaser until I mastered self-care.
One of the most liberating feelings is saying “no”, and sharing with my closest friends what I was going through. Thankfully, they’ve never had a serious mental illness, so, as much as they didn’t get it, they showed me love by respecting my boundaries. Did I lose friends? Yes, totally. Were they the right people to have around? No way. The last thing you want are misunderstandings when you’re unwell: your energy will be consumed faster than the free pizza at a work buffet. Protect your energy.
Self-care in relationships
Communicating your needs to your partner is self-care. Self-care is about prioritising your health whether you’re unwell or not, but especially when you’re unwell. It’s not selfish, it’s vital. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s survival. Asking for help from your partner so that you don’t feel overwhelmed is scary, but in doing so you don’t lose autonomy; you gain support and you’re worthy of that. In fact, asking for help from anybody shows that you’re breaking free from the idea that remaining silent is a sign of strength.
Self-care is bravery, advocacy, a love for the body and mind that you live inside of. Treat it with kindness. The more you value yourself, the easier it will be to cope during the hardest of days.
Be creative, set time aside for daily self-care activities, give yourself an hour to do something you love. Spoil yourself. There’s a balance to self-care and for me, my physical health suffered due to me not taking note of that balance. My medication gave me side-effects that contributed to a huge weight gain, but I totally own that! Reinstating that balance helped me to get to a place where I now feel in a place where I am able to walk or cycle more. I re-framed all of my negative self-talk because I really needed to!
Self-care is about your actions, but please remember, it’s also about your words. Make “I’m doing my best” one of your daily affirmations because it’s important to remind yourself of that.
Your self-care journey has already started by reading this blog; you’re doing great already!
Sam - COREmpower Consumer Advisor
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What Exactly is Self-Care?
November 02, 2021
Before I became unwell, my idea of self-care was skipping nightly gym sessions on Friday evenings and sleeping until 10am on the weekend. Work was my number one priority and everything else fitted around it. I spent 11 years hooked on working hard, but I didn’t even realise why until it hit me - the first flashback, the dissociation and the mental distress of trauma that I’d successfully managed to bury for 15 years of my life.
Suddenly my life changed: Instead of a job title, I had a diagnosis and the label of a Childhood Trauma Survivor. Instead of fancy brunches and weekends away, I was eating hospital food in psych wards because I was too much of a risk to myself at times. I hit the bottom and the truth is, I still do sometimes because recovery is not a linear upward trajectory.
Two and a half years later, I’m certainly not 100% better, but I’m making excellent progress. How? By being kind to myself.
Self-Care & Therapy
Therapy is hard, but it saved my life. Working with a great therapist was confronting, painful and tough for a lot of the time, but there’s no denying it: working with a great therapist saved my life on numerous occasions. Showing up and engaging in sessions is challenging, but it’s an amazing sign of self care. If you’re already doing this - I applaud you. Therapy is about spending time helping yourself to process your challenges with a trained professional.
Making a routine before and after therapy helped me to have things to focus on besides the session itself. I always arrived early so that I could give myself some time to relax in the waiting area. I took a fidget cube into sessions with me; it’s amazing how comforting and grounding it is to have something in your hands whilst you talk. I have zero shame in admitting that playdough or a squashy dinosaur makes me so chilled. Sensory tools are a fantastic resource.
After therapy, is when the real self-care kicks in. For me, I wanted to treat my body with physical kindness, so I bathed in soapy water and swaddled myself in fancy, fluffy towels (the type you keep aside for guests). I processed my actual therapy sessions through journaling and art. I was almost like a parent to myself, being gentle and kind.
Self-care and saying “no” when you’d usually say “yes”
Self-care for the benefit of your health comes with boundaries and surrounding yourself with the right people. My friends are amazing but too often I gave in to “peer pressure” when they pleaded for me to come out: “Funny Sammy” was my party trick. Sadly, my fun side was depleted. Socialising made me feel vulnerable but I was a people pleaser until I mastered self-care.
One of the most liberating feelings is saying “no”, and sharing with my closest friends what I was going through. Thankfully, they’ve never had a serious mental illness, so, as much as they didn’t get it, they showed me love by respecting my boundaries. Did I lose friends? Yes, totally. Were they the right people to have around? No way. The last thing you want are misunderstandings when you’re unwell: your energy will be consumed faster than the free pizza at a work buffet. Protect your energy.
Self-care in relationships
Communicating your needs to your partner is self-care. Self-care is about prioritising your health whether you’re unwell or not, but especially when you’re unwell. It’s not selfish, it’s vital. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s survival. Asking for help from your partner so that you don’t feel overwhelmed is scary, but in doing so you don’t lose autonomy; you gain support and you’re worthy of that. In fact, asking for help from anybody shows that you’re breaking free from the idea that remaining silent is a sign of strength.
Self-care is bravery, advocacy, a love for the body and mind that you live inside of. Treat it with kindness. The more you value yourself, the easier it will be to cope during the hardest of days.
Be creative, set time aside for daily self-care activities, give yourself an hour to do something you love. Spoil yourself. There’s a balance to self-care and for me, my physical health suffered due to me not taking note of that balance. My medication gave me side-effects that contributed to a huge weight gain, but I totally own that! Reinstating that balance helped me to get to a place where I now feel in a place where I am able to walk or cycle more. I re-framed all of my negative self-talk because I really needed to!
Self-care is about your actions, but please remember, it’s also about your words. Make “I’m doing my best” one of your daily affirmations because it’s important to remind yourself of that.
Your self-care journey has already started by reading this blog; you’re doing great already!
Sam - COREmpower Consumer Advisor